I am sorry I am going to probably sound too honest but these is truth.
Many times what seems like LOVE from one person to another, it's in fact, only a demostration of self love from the one whom is giving. We can see a lot of that on big budget romantic movies.
If somebody doesn't remain in God, he can't remain in love. The only way somebody can truly love somebody else is if he loves him as Jesus love. If a person fear hell, he is not perfected in love, right now. If somebody think that he first loved God (before God loved him) he doesn't really love God.
16 And we know and believe the love which God has in us. God is love, and he who is remaining in love is remaining in God, and God is remaining in him.
17 In this is love perfected with us, that we may have boldness in the day of judging, seeing that, according as He is, so are we also in this world.
18 Fear is not in love, but perfect love is casting out fear, for fear has chastening. Now he who is fearing is not perfected in love.
19 We are loving God, for He first loves us.
20 If anyone should be saying that "I am loving God," and should be hating his brother, he is a liar; for he who is not loving his brother whom he has seen can not be loving God Whom he has not seen.
21 And this precept have we from Him, that he who is loving God may be loving his brother also.
--1John 4:16-21 (Concordant Literal New Testament)
Now, here are the different types of love from the paper ''DIFFERENT LOVES'' by L.Ray Smith:
In the New Testament, we have the word agápē (we have a little different explanation for that) - a complex emotion arousing appreciation or delight in and desire for the presence of itís object; as well as to please and promote itís welfare.
and the other type is 'love' translated from the word phileo:
Now here is the word phileo. We understand the word Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia - it means to be fond of, responsive, affection based on approval and regard.
Thatís a little complicated, basically itís this. God of love -agape, is a one-way street, God loves, He gives. Itís not based on whether the ones He gives it to, loves Him back. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, right. Why? Because He loves us, ďfor God so loved the world.Ē That includes all these drug dealing, wife beating, God defying people. He so loved the world, did they love Him back? No, very few people love God back. Itís a one-way street... He loves. Heís the One that loves, not getting anything back for it, He loves.
But phileo love, is where two people are fond of each other and theyíre responsive to each other. It has to do with affections, based on the approval of the one youíre giving out to, you see. Why are people friends? Because they reciprocate, right.
One of the main points of the paper is that we must agapao our neighbor as our selfs, And give only phileo love to our brothers.
And we all know whom are our brothers and sisters and mothers, right?